Finding Happiness After Covid-19

A friend, Peter Keevil, has just given me a copy of his book 'Finding Happiness After Covid-19’ that he wrote with his wife, Pam Keevil (i). There are quite a number of such books - Amazon lists over 80,000 in a search for ‘happiness' - so a tall order to bring something new to the table. What Peter and Pam do bring is NLP, coaching experience, involvement with the Action for Happiness project and the impact of Covid-19. The book contains a blend of tools and techniques to help us make positive changes happen, in our own lives and in the world around us - a Happiness Toolkit - a toolkit that is so timely following Covid-19. We so don’t need to return to the way we were pre-Covid-19. The pandemic offers us a chance to catalyse some of the individual changes that Peter and Pam are proposing.

In a previous blog I looked at some courses that were being offered while many of us were in lockdown (iii). One of those was Yale University's 'The Science of Well-Being’; more than 2.6 million people signed up by June. It was also in June when a survey showed that only 13% of UK working parents want to go back to ‘the old normal’ (iv). Many of us want change! For me part of my unease at the loosening of lockdown is that may be we’ve not yet learnt the lessons of C-19.

We have for too long been misled into chasing possessions, physical attractiveness, relationships and more money. A string of studies quoted by Santos who organised the Yale course, explain that, after a certain point money doesn’t increase happiness and emotional wellbeing (v). Similarly research shows weight loss and cosmetic surgery may not lead to increases in happiness, as well as research showing how salary goals keep rising as we earn more money. We may never feel we are making enough. We compare ourselves to others, and always are wanting more.

Indeed it seems our whole society measures the wrong things;  narrow economic indicators which don’t take account of factors affecting the quality of life for all people like personal freedom, social equity, health, happiness and human fulfilment. As a former Green Party councillor I’ve long liked the Green Party’s approach calling into question the value of GDP as a measure of national wellbeing - and most recently calling for it to be replaced with an index showing how much free time people have to enjoy - arguing that leisure can contribute more to overall happiness than wealth (vi).

Image from book

One thing that is very clear to me, is that having cancer doesn’t mean an end to happiness. Do I even need to write that?! Indeed many have described cancer as a catalyst for more happiness - not least perhaps because it teaches us gratitude. I also know many with cancer who would not feel like this! In my case, cancer has enabled me to reflect more deeply on what sometimes I’ve taken for granted in the past. And Peter and Pam’s book in their first tool in their Happiness Toolkit talk about Purpose, Compassion and Gratitude. Gratitude is big and I am indeed hugely grateful for so many things. The other two are also big ones - I have covered both purpose and compassion in a previous blog - see here (vii). If we get these three right I reckon we are well on the way!

Last week I was sent the Tedx talk that I hadn’t seen before - it was by Martin Inderbitzin who was 32 years old, with a fresh PhD degree, a new job and about to start a new life when he was suddenly diagnosed with pancreatic cancer; part of that life was to be more conscious of living and to collect stories to show how cancer isn’t the end of life (viii). I don’t seem to tire of hearing these inspiring stories! So many of them have similar messages around learning to live - or as the wonderful Fi Munro, who sadly died earlier this year, said: "Choosing to live like you are dying is about embracing the fact that we all have only one life and deciding to make the choice to start truly living for today.” 

 

Happiness is 50% genetically predetermined

Image from book

Peter and Pam’s book notes the research that found 50 percent of happiness is genetically predetermined, while 40 percent is determined by how we relate to setbacks. Only 10 percent was related to the environment around us. Interestingly this 10% confirms what the research was saying earlier in this blog about new jobs, homes, partners etc not leading to more happiness. As Peter and Pam note, "it clearly makes sense to work on the forty percent that is in our control; our thoughts and actions.” It is this area the book concentrates on.

However the 50% troubles me somewhat. In a previous blog here I talked about the science of epigenetics (x). We are learning that genetics are influenced by factors like diet - and genetic damage occurs from a host of factors like pesticides, radiation, stress and more. We now know that certain foods, for example, can help to protect and repair genes from that damage. We can change the destiny of our genetic health. For me, this would be a great area to explore more, but I guess the things Peter and Pam are talking about will still impact on epigenetics.

The Toolkit

Well it seems having your heart set on happiness is not the right way to go. A study, carried out among students living in the UK, found those who said they valued happiness extremely highly tended to show greater signs of depression (xi). The researcher suggests that it maybe because such people focus on goals such as promotions, rather than helping others or spending time with family and friends; in other words focusing on the wrong way to pursue happiness.

In contrast the Happiness Toolkit is perhaps the ‘right way’ to pursue happiness - a wonderful look at so many of the things we can all do - with some exercises to complete and help us think more. One quote I particularly liked: “A lapse of any kind is just that - not a collapse and certainly not a relapse”. 

Image from book

Peter and Pam acknowledge there are more aspects than those covered in their eight tools but I guess with more it could become overwhelming. I also can see that to get the balance right in the eight tools for everyone would rarely be possible! One area that perhaps could have more focus for me is Self-Compassion - it is so key as so many of us are so self critical. In an article I like from Action For Happiness, the authors talked about three ‘components’ of self-compassion; Mindfulness, Kindness and Connecting with others (xii). They all get a mention in the book but I would have loved more on this topic.

Another area that has fascinated me is the link between health and happiness - we hear often that "laughter is the best medicine” and research does show that happiness does indeed impact on our health. We also know that there is evidence that unhappiness, anxiety, stress and depression, for example, are linked to poorer health outcomes. However according to the U.N.'s World Happiness Report 2015 good health does not appear to lead to happiness. 

I’m not sure this is entirely true….I mentioned above diet….and there is increasing evidence is linking the development of depression with poor health of our gut microbiota (xiii). For example a meta-analysis published in Molecular Psychiatry in 2018 concludes anti-inflammatory diets high in plant foods such as the Mediterranean diet are effective in protecting against the development of depression. The Alliance for Natural Health has an article with a DIY dietary approach to tackling some mental health challenges (xiv). So it would seem diet is a key factor in our mental health - and happiness?

I want to explore lots more - what do others think? Big thanks to Peter and Pam - there is much food for thought in their book and you can also sign up to their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Finding-Happiness-after-Covid-19-103335108060770/

 

Update: this Tex talk was sent by a friend: Emily Esfahani Smith with 'There's more to life than being happy' - and yes this makes loads of sense:
https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_esfahani_smith_there_s_more_to_life_than_being_happy

 

Notes

 

(i) https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Happiness-After-COVID-19-Keevil-ebook/dp/B08CNB95CP/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&qid=1595773571&refinements=p_27%3APeter+and+Pam+Keevil&s=digital-text&sr=1-1&text=Peter+and+Pam+Keevil

(ii) https://www.actionforhappiness.org/ 

(iii) https://myunexpectedguide.blogspot.com/2020/04/learning-from-coronavirus-crisis.html 

(iv) https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jun/28/only-13-of-uk-working-parents-want-to-go-back-to-the-old-normal

(v) https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jun/21/smile-could-the-pandemic-lead-to-happier-times-laurie-santos-professor-of-happiness-yale 

(vi) https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2018/oct/04/green-party-calls-for-free-time-index-to-replace-gdp-measure? 

(vii) https://myunexpectedguide.blogspot.com/2019/12/fear-part-three-ego-awareness-and.html 

(viii) https://youtu.be/M5QBH3wDrQY and more on the website ‘My Survival Story’: https://www.mysurvivalstory.org/ 

(ix) https://myunexpectedguide.blogspot.com/2020/07/fi-munro.html

(x) https://myunexpectedguide.blogspot.com/2019/08/the-great-news-about-epigenetics.html

(xi) https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/jan/04/trying-to-be-happy-could-make-you-miserable-study-finds 

(xii) https://realsustainability.org/action-for-happiness/? 

(xiii) https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-018-0237-8.epdf? 

(xiv) https://www.anhinternational.org/2017/09/20/gut-brain-connection-perspective/